*Trigger warning – this blog explores themes of miscarriage. Please take care when reading.*
Having experienced mental health stigma myself, I was keen to get fully on board with Time to Talk Day. So, in 2016, I signed up to train as a Champion for Time to Change Wales. All the Champions are volunteers with lived experience of mental health problems. Champions are at the heart of the campaign, challenging stigma in our own communities, campaigning in the media and sharing our stories.
Last October, for World Mental Health Day and Baby Loss Awareness Week, I wrote this blog. It's time to break the taboos surrounding these topics, so I decided to open up about my own experiences again.
Rewind to Autumn 1994, my husband and I had been married for three years and decided that we would try for a baby. To my utter delight, I found out that I was pregnant almost straight away.
What a wonderful Christmas we had, dreaming of becoming a family and starting to share our news. Life couldn’t have been better. How quickly this changed in the new year. In January 1995, life suddenly became very bad. At 12 weeks pregnant, I had a miscarriage. The miscarriage was handled very badly by the hospital. I can still see the doctor showing me the scan and saying, “This is where the baby should be” to which I asked, “Why isn’t there a baby there?” And he just replied, “I don’t know.” I later found out by reading a leaflet handed to me on the ward, that it was a blighted ovum, where no embryo is formed. If this wasn’t bad enough, the miscarriage triggered an acute episode of mental illness, and I was admitted to a psychiatric ward for 5 days. As a direct result of mental health stigma and discrimination, I found myself unemployed for a period of 6 months. I don’t even have the right adjectives to describe this awful time in my life. It left me feeling covered with shame and entirely hopeless.
At that time, my lovely, wise Dad told me to “play the hand you’ve been dealt”. I had been dealt a rough hand, but very slowly, with the help of my husband and faithful friends, I began to play the cards that I had in my hand. Earlier this year, I was sharing my story with friends. One faithful friend told me that God has now dealt me a new hand, and she’s right. The only good thing that came out of that terrible time in 1995 was that I was catapulted into the system. I received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and started medication, which kept me well for 27 years. At the start of 2021, I very gradually started reducing my meds by 10% each week. Along with the support of my husband and a small group of faithful friends, I finally completely stopped taking medication in March 2022 and I am still well today.
So on this Time to Talk Day, allow me to leave you with this message: miscarriages are very common. Don’t bear the pain in silence; share your story with others who can relate to your experience. My Mum had 2 miscarriages before my sister and I were born, and our own daughter had a miscarriage before the birth of our perfect grandson earlier this year. Also, taking medication for a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of any more than taking medication for a physical condition.
If you’ve been affected by miscarriage and need support, Morgan’s Wings is here for you. This dedicated charity based in Cardiff offers a free text chat service at 07706052048 (available evenings 7-9pm and weekends 5-7pm), with messages outside these hours answered as soon as possible. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, sibling, or loved one, you’re not alone. Visit Morgan’s Wings for more information.
